The Question of Self-Worth and Reclaiming Ourselves
Low Self-Esteem or poor sense of Self-Worth is the underlying problem in relationship issues and even in attracting high quality man in your life.
I keep hearing from my clients... "I know you're telling me I am important and of value. I can even tell it to myself, because in my head, it should be true. But I don't feel it.
How can you feel that you're WORTHY? That you're MAGIC with pure infinite potential?
You do this by RECLAIMING the truth about yourself. Don't doubt yourself. Return to your greatness you came into this world with. You were born extremely confident. You came into this world knowing how wonderful you're. You were so perfect when you were a tiny baby. You didn't have to do anything, you were perfect just the way you were, and you acted as if you were aware of that. So RECLAIM that, tell yourself "I am GREAT, I am AMAZING, and I deserve LOVE."
Deep sense of self-worth is the key. Instead of creating our sense of worth by what we think, or how we look, or what we do - self-esteem - we build our self-worth on a "persona", false self or ego. We stop connecting our self-worth to our success and our achievements and other external factors. Rather we build our sense of self-worth from the inside, by getting to know who we already are, who we desire to be, and who we have the potential to become. It's not about outer beauty, it's about inner shine, inner beauty. Don't attach your self-worth to beauty, to weight, to height, etc.; It's how beautiful your are on the inside, that's what men fall for...
What does the process of building Self-Worth looks like? What are it's components?
Self-Awareness
The process of self-worth begins with self-awareness. Before you can accept who you are, you have to see yourself. Self-Awareness involves knowing yourself for who you are, your strengths and weaknesses, your traits and your triggers, your relationships and values and everything that is a part of who you really are.
What blocks self-awareness?
Self-Awareness can be a difficult process. Some simply have no interest in self-awareness, but most start out aware but then block self-awareness. Why is it so? I feel it all boils down to fear:
Fear of seeing something really ugly if we dig too deep.
Fear of feeling worse about ourselves because of what we see.
Fear that, once we see, we will have to make change, and changing can be scary. This one was the biggest block for me.
Self-Acceptance
After you see parts of who you are, it's time to accept them, both the negatives and the positives. Self-Acceptance is a crucial element in feeling your true worth, and for many people it is the hardest part. It's important because until you learn to accept yourself, you will never feel good enough. You will continue to battle against yourself, holding yourself back and preventing love. You don't want to do that do you? I don't think so...
Why is Self-Acceptance so hard?
"The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely." Why is this so? What is so terrifying about seeing and accepting the truth? This is a question which can only be answered individually, but there are a few things I feel make self-acceptance hard:
For one, we aren't sure how to accept ourselves. We fight with ourselves, trying to protect ourselves, without even knowing we are doing it. Instead, we must learn to give up the fight, and submit to self-acceptance.
Some mistakenly think self-acceptance is "bragging", or "selfish", and may fear what others think if they accept who they are. This is a case of misunderstanding self-acceptance. Self-acceptance isn't saying, "I'm better than others." It's simply saying, "I see who I am right now, and I embrace it."
Finally, fear gets in the way of self-acceptance. We may fear that, in accepting, we agree with how we are-that accepting means we plan to stay that way. Some are afraid because to them, self-acceptance requires us to change, and certainly change can be scary and challenging. Neither of this is true. It is up to us if we choose to change the things we accept or not, but one thing is certain: we cannot make any change, or choose to grow. until we first accept how things are now.
Self-Love
Beyond simply accepting yourself, you must learn to love yourself. You must learn to embrace your strengths and weaknesses, treat yourself well, and take care of your needs. Self-love involves practicing self-care, self-compassion, and self-kindness. It also involves letting yourself give and receive love to/from others. It is the final layer that unlocks the full experience of self-worth. Self-love is at the core of feeling self-worth, so it is imperative we each learn to love ourselves more completely. It will be easy for me to say "Go love yourself", and leave it at that. But I know from experience that for many of us knowing how to "love yourself" can be downright tricky!!
What Self-Love is NOT?
Before we proceed with Self-love let's understand what it's NOT
Self-Love is NOT
Selfishness - It's not selfish to love yourself. In fact selfishness involves very little self-love.
Narcissism - Self-love is not narcissistic either. Narcissists don't actually know how to love themselves, or others, really.
The opposite of the other love - Nope. Self-love is important part of loving others. You will never fully love others until you learn to love yourself. You cannot give what you do not already possess.